It is the perfect weather for tourist hotspots! I’m listening to some old paris audio books while ‘loafing about’ today which turns the scape into a grimey dirty town which you kind of need when visiting Montmartre. Chocolate mousse and tea for dinner! Its good being able to make such decisions. and a bit of a play at the studio planned tonight!
talk up girl - thats quite a stretch 19 November 2019
Started the day with some strata (?) had soaked my week old left over bread in milk overnight added some eggs, goats cheese and capsicum and slow cooked it into some kind of delicious frittata. This will feed me for the day!!
So third time lucky ..no.. Aimed to see Palais de Tokyo and still its not open til tomorrow so stayed on the line and went to the La Defense business district and saw all the amazing “brut” around.. Love it soooo much. I arrived during the Parisian 2 hour lunch break and totally refined my duck and weave strolling system! I also went to the giant shopping centre and bought a new cardigan!! go girl!
My neighbour came to apologise about the other night… (a woman had come into my kitchen and had been trying to clean red wine of her long flowing woollen white coat with a sponge).. I hadn’t clicked my door properly….(omg could have been so much worse..read on..) He had apologised that night and me in my neighbourly, friendly language had said that was fine we’re neighbours and if he ever needed sugar he’d know where to come..he told me he wasn’t here for that kind of thing (OMFG..cup! a cup of sugar..is that even better??)..so I had been avoiding him ever since..a comedy of Carolyn..Hed said there was an opening tonight out the front near where the homeless people sleep so we should go see it...
Ive just arrived back.. The opening was at 6.30 at 6.40 they invited people inside to stand on a square..(it was lucky I looked like I was with the homeless guy standing next to me so I wasn’t invited in! ) Three people with prothetic tongues walked around the group and yelled and talked and pointed (in french..so i wasn’t sure what was actually going on) There was one cool element though, where art tags are normally found ( you know bottom right of a work) well, that was where their cue cards were and they would grab and tear to make sure they were on cue...(That was cool) What wasn’t cool or whats made me come back and pound the floor is that where homeless people would be setting up there beds for the evening was a table filled with food and juice (no alcohol) ..I kept wanting to fill the paper cups up and pass them out.. it felt so fucking privileged and middle class ( omg thats me). it was so strange that the people living there had not been invited.. it was fucked, I couldn’t contemplate art when I knew I was taking up the space of someones bed…argghh .. so I go back to my studio where my iPhones been capturing footage for the last hour and pour a wine and consider ..everything..Ive just again finished Orwells “Down and out in Paris and London’ and im feeling decidedly middle class and meaningless…
I know the French think they’ve got things figured out but they haven’t, no-one has. I remember last time I was here hanging out in a park near the 18th and being invited to share tea with people from mongolia who had set up a tent camp and were without a home. “We knew you weren’t French”….”because you smiled and said hello”….fuck it ..fuck it.. argh ..
tomorrow I will go and buy some bread and take back to the exhibition site? and for now? what? i make a video? fucckkkkkkkk.. yep and drink wine…
seining 20 November 2019
The light streaming in (and the early workmen) made the outdoors just too inviting. I walked and walked (my watch reads 14K) the sun was on my face and the Seine beside me, Im in Paris!
first cabin..
There is not that many people walking along the lower cobbled path along the Seine there are however numerous joggers in scarves and beanies which must me look quite odd as I take off my jacket to simply wander. I have my new cardigan on and its given me the falsity that I am unequivocally blending today! (pfft).. Up ahead there is a group of tourists getting off a boat and police are gathering around I wonder if one of the them threw their partner overboard?(to die in the Seine would seem romantic but in reality it would be quite an awful stinky end.)
I try not to look up at the Eiffel tower but I cannot fight it.. Plane trails have carved geometric shapes into the sky behind it.. It is so the optima of everything. Around these parts it smells like piss and liquor and im transported back to the Paris I grew up reading about, the grimey paris, full of creatives and drunks (maybe one in the same)..I imagine the expo when they first built this and Im sure the 16th( aka sandy bay but nicer cause its Paris!!) may have argued a little..
I take a deep breath in and smile to myself (fuck Im not blending now!!) They say the French only smile when theres something to smile about and smiling to yourself can inflict the observation of dimwittedness (if the sneaker fits??>>) I feel a bit stupid here on the whole.. the idea that people know several languages and can fluently converse makes me feel quite stupid.
I explore the park past the 16th and sit for a few moments to give my legs a rest and to consider if ill head back before the afternoon or push on..
Palais de Tokyo isn’t that far away so I turn and turn and then turn once more until I find the Seine on my right and I can continue and can find my way.
I love the Paris de Tokyo.. this building is so much like a bigger version of the old Mercury building in Hobart.. …I want to lick the walls! The art was okay I sneakily shot some video that I will peruse later and relive the staircases and old windows and also some of the art! Its my favourite art space in Paris it like an ornate gymnasium with huge cavernous spaces and high windows.. ..It would be so amazing to make something for here…on the list!
I find the nearest stairwell that will delivery me to the metro and jump into the first cabin. no driver. its so cool I want to stand up the front and pretend to toot and steer, maybe next time…Back to the studio for a Saint Germain and to take some time to reflect on the day…
haut médoc 21 November 2019
The workmen have woken me in time for sistersakousmatica radio show’s live broadcast back in Tassie. Listening to the voices and stories from my home town, Its pretty wonderful. I conceive of how fantastic the very first broadcast of voice must have been, having a stranger entering the home to share news. For me its emotional as I hear familiar voices and friends and they feel so close. I get to listen to the music of Dani and Mat and imagine Danis sultry performance and Mat strolling around in a trance of bliss.. I share that bliss as I make coffee and open the windows on a grey day.
Its getting cold in the studio so I put on some gloves, they are covered with Neskas hair..its going to be one of those days….
I think today I will play inside and see what I can do.. I re arrange desks and start..
Its been fun to play I haven’t made anything I consider in anyway great or even okay but somedays the play is just whats needed..and I used drawing utensils for the first time here!! I spend hours making crap art! I need to walk so do a blocky and grab some wine and bread…
It is the hardest time of day for me, that early evening when the street lights get turned on and Parisians are finishing work and starting to pile into bistros while everyone back home is asleep.. Id like to be able to send beautiful dreams over the ocean but I have just today just finished my first Nietzche and having always held a hatred for Freud I feel that I should send the strength to deal with your own subconscious and leave these syphilitic creeps to deal with there own phobias..(..Obviously not up for a scholarly debate.. any friend of Wagners..(should be tested too)..)
I pour a(nother) glass of wine (haut-medoc), light a fig scented candle and look at the pile of crap Ive made.. layers of frottaged paper adorn the walls and a mountain of gridded tarpaulin sits on a desk in front of the windows I have altered with the reverse inserts that I cut out a couple days ago.. There are a couple mirrored circles that im not sure what im doing with but the material was so tactile I had to do something..(maybe.. I have to do something else!!)..
Im going to cook up some dinner, I bought rocket yesterday so possibly pasta, mustard and rocket!.. and up load some pics from the day!
love to all xx
bordeaux
As I finish off my canned mushroom with rocket and pasta, I smile.. How good is it to just eat food and not think about the dietary value or having to please others.. I mop the left over butter sauce with my baguette (traditional) and wash it down with some bordeaux.
Ive had a good day and am feeling the consequences of my first run in possibly 3 months and the half bottle of wine already consumed ;/.. Saw some good art at the Foundation Cartier and am feeling inspired .. Just as well the weekends upon me and that means sleep ins (with no workmen yay..(ummm)) and busy Parisian streets to choose to avoid or join in on ..maybe a bit of both ..(thats the bordeaux talking :)..( I do kind of like that the French find all artists somehow worthwhile no matter what level yet sportsmen or in fact any kind of exercise in general is held with contempt.)
short entry today enjoying the wine, the crap rap coming in from next door and the mind pondering xx
be careful what you wish for. 23 November 2019
The one hated thing of any great recluse is that ridiculous state of loneliness. I am in a melancholic stupor. My headphones are no longer keeping my thoughts at bay which are now drowning out the audio and insistent drumming from next door. I thought a day in was needed but I’ll need to escape soon and get some air. Its dark outside and I should be able to wander freely. (fear not those who don’t know me so well.. I understand this as part of my emotional rhythm. The notes will change and i will be wrapped up in a blanket of bliss in no time.) Being so far away magnifies all emotions and the solitude allows time to follow any and all thoughts down brightly lit streets and dingy alleys and I am a willing flâneur!
I return and all the sorrowfulness of a couple hours ago has been replaced with exuberance for the swamp. The little streets at night seem new and the shopkeepers sit in solace as I walk past and peruse their wares of old lampshades and books. The air feels cold and fresh after the days rain. I avoid the main drag and walk aimlessly. Here, I feel I am so vulnerable to super speedy transformations of mind, it seems like seconds pass as I temper several emotional, countering states and its constant. Im walking a mental tightrope which is exhilarating and terrifying simultaneously. Its the introspection Ive been hanging for.. self indulgence.
noise and sights 24 November 2019
The studio has a certain hum to it, my ears strain to collect notes in the same way your eyes create forms in steam or vapours. It builds and distorts as neighbours get showered and the conservatory next door starts up. ohh god its salsa..i dance around (badly) as I get dressed and ready to stroll the canals..
I think its a process for understanding, trying to somehow see, hear and feel the abstract world around us and file it into recognisable, known parcels. In order to be able to retrieve them later we need to label and title otherwise they are lost. I am going to try and not box up things today, let them become part of me rather then kept in my already overstocked filing system.. Its 10.30am. It should still be pretty quiet out as its a Sunday and the French need their rest..
Im back its 4pm and I have walked the canals to La Vilette and back and am exhausted. I make a cup of tea and put my feet up. I feel a lot more relaxed walking the streets (?) and its showing with no less then 3 people coming to me for directions.. that way lol x
I walked through markets selling all kinds of vegetables, seafood, and cheeses and tiny little bunches of bananas about the size of my thumb. There was much gaudy jewellery and lines of broken chairs. I really like the old chairs, for me, they are the epitome of functional beauty. I saw all kinds of fungis and moss growing on old tree stumps and dogs that knew not to swim in the canal? (I still think it might have been hard to keep Neska out..) There were many joggers swerving the crowds and a lot of homeless people in the middle of the canals on the park benches eating fruit in the sunshine.
I got to Starlingard and remembered I wasn’t far from the park with the exceptionally beautiful Paris Philharmonic. (A giant glitter covered geometric squeeze box). This area has really changed I stayed here for a couple weeks after my last trip and was shocked by the poverty and tent cities. Gentrification happens so quickly. I like the outer suburbs they’re still huge but not quite as manic as the centre. It not as touristy but I think Paris in general has a huge population of visitors. (it feels a bit like Venice in that way)
How long has it been since I talked to anyone? hours? Days? Weeks? Things are beginning to blur. Time is morphing with sound and its making me whoozy. I need to think about dinner..
Sometimes I feel Im letting the side down. I hear about people socialising and making art connections but I’m just not put together that way. Its not what i’m here for(?). I suppose a residency is your own journey even if its an emotional one x
périphérique 26 November 2019
Its 7am and the noise has started. Theres a bit of slamming door action this morning and as i head down to put coffee on I see the workers next door suited up in yellow jumpsuits and white hardhats and I smile and imagine them throwing some moves together with a village people tune.
Id spent the day discovering the south west yesterday. I visited Le Courbusiers apartment which stated no where on the internet you had to book prior. Ill head back again but it was a good to walk a different area. it got me outside the périphérique and I strolled around the quiet Monday streets. Although Mondays are not the best choice for such adventures as there are no public toilets and the majority of cafes and bistros are closed so you cant nip in for a coffee and loo break but the streets are quiet and there is time to look around and not hold up the flow.
The Périphérique is the containment of Paris. When you walk outside in you are struck by signs letting you know you are no longer in the capital. The signage is the word Paris with a big ghostbuster/no smoking slash though it. I find that cut off point really interesting and assume it was the Parisians that thought the signage informational. There are a couple points around where you can still see the original Thiers wall and thats where Im heading today. There is a secondary ring road the A86 and I really ponder this area between this motorway and the périphérique. You have Paris, beyond Paris and then France.
Last stay I would have been packing up now and I understand my need to come back. I’m calming down, I’m feeling more relaxed in Paris and in my head. Its time to simmer.
mat 27 November 2019
I am missing my lover. Mat turns 50 tomorrow and Ive sent him ingredients for a St Germain cocktail so we can share a drink over the web. I feel that Ive let him down a little not being there for this day so if you see him make sure you give him a big smoochy kiss. He deserves it x Mat is the most supportive, beautiful, sensitive, talented, sexy person I have ever met and he has my heart. I cant wait to see you babe Ive been buying a bottle of wine ever day for when you arrive..although I only have five in the cellar ;? xx
I have been putting together a photomontage for your fb wall and it just keeps making me cry we’ve had so much fun over the last decade plus a few xx I have been trying to think of somewhere romantic to send a message from Paris but its all a bit cheesy x seeing Im in the city of light and love you’d think it wouldn’t be hard but nothing seems good enough! so here is a wall in Montmartre Le Mur Des Je T’Aime where all the embassy’s in Paris were asked to convert I love you into there own language.. 100 ways to say I love you xx Happy Birthday my love you are all I can think about for the next couple days xx
where snuggle pot daren't live 28 November 2019
So my outing today takes me to the end of line 8, Créteil. If I head straight back to Paris it should take me 3 hrs to walk it but if I walk in true Parsian/ ooh whats that over there style I should make it back before dark!
The walk back starts out around a huge artificial lake which was originally a mine but once the diggers hit water they decided to go with it. There are fountains around ever corner (and loos yay) Giant whale like blowholes of water are sprayed metres into the air and being caught by the wind and showering all who visit. I regret not bring my coat. I wrap my scarf around my head and continue.
There is some amazing architecture around here. Multi level brutalist apartments give way to the copper clad buildings that reflect in the lake and promote the autumn glow. I see a cement footbridge that resembles an abstracted snail up ahead and alter my route to walk it………and they’re they are…..Id seen them in pictures, and hadn’t expected them today. The amazing banksia looking art deco inspired multi-dwells. The 10 buildings are called Les Choux de Créteil - the cabbage patch (- well I may have taken a few liberties there!) and they have beautifully designed balconies that morph as you approach and move around the buildings creating privacy ... Super stunning. I love the idea that you get to live in the building but still get to see its beauty as its reflected in the neighbours home. This was such a great surprise feeling super stoked!
Its so good to be in the outskirts where second-hand shops sell torn up couches and old coffee tables rather than antiquities you can fit into a suitcase! I feel like I can breathe again.
The trees have given up their cloaks to concede that winter is here. The last few leaves fall and dance as updrafts catch them. its really beautiful. The streets out here have not had the navy suited men with their electric blowers to direct leaves into piles so they pave the streets in gold. As I walk the leaves crunch and my brown cords swoosh with my stride and I feel so happy.
I look up to see the trees bare vulnerable limbs that show decades of brutalist design and torture. I see them reach for one another but do not succeed.. Time feels thick again.
I get to the Seine and I know the rest is easy. Up here the walkway is metres above the water and I do not fear heights but I fear the desire to jump. I see a man ahead and its weird. He has a rope at first I think he has a dog but nope its running down the steep wall and he’s slowly pulling it up. I cant see its way to high and the angle hides below. I pass and for the next kilometre wonder if he was retrieving drugs or money or lowering an object into the deeps that would never be seen again. Maybe he ties his thoughts up every afternoon and drops them in so he can have a relaxing evening…mmmpffhh.
I get to liberté station where I first stayed and decide I’ll train home before the end of day craziness starts up. Its a good place to people watch as the dark tunnels make the windows reflective and if you choose the right seat you can quietly watch as people transit off and on… If you choose the wrong seat you get to check out a lot of footwear! I change trains and head to St Paul, grab a baguette and settle in to consider all ive seen.
they gave him what goes with a cold in the nose 30 November 2019
My doctor insisted she jab me before leaving the country letting me know in no uncertain terms it wasn’t about me it was about the bigger picture and stopping the spread. At least I know its not the flu!
I’ve got my self some mighty swollen neck glands, they’ve been expanding over the last few days and Ive been trying to ignore them but this morning I am feeling glad I packed a skivvy. Currently my clavicle is joined to the tip of my chin with no indentation to decipher where my face begins and ends like a backwards muscleman neck. Its just a cold.
Ill be stuck in the studio for the next couple days! maybe a couple little walks close by but its all pretty ugly and I need a rest. x
Whenever I have a cold I constantly repeat that poem about Christopher Robbin having sneezles and wheezles, I memorised it for a drama performance when I was in grade six and I only know it still there when I have the sneezles myself and then I cant turn it off. The A.A. Milne book was my dads book and I think it was my favourite growing up. it was small and had a hard white cover with christopher himself on the front.Full of short poems. I still remember the feeling of the rhyming words seeming like magic. ..ill add it to the end..I have much time on my hands!!
pepin the short 2 December 2019
After having 60 hours basically cooped up inside watching you tube videos on French history alternating with the original True Blood series whilst teaching myself to knit (well re-visiting the knitting; The home economic assignment in year 8 was to knit an animal. I enlisted the help of my Nana who was a professional knitter for stuga wool down at salamanca (think Jenny Kee era of colourful jumpers) She knitted the entire lamb and left me to sew on the last leg..I remember she was devastated as I/we/she got 91/2 out of 10 because one of the legs was on backwards!..)
I thought Id knit Mat a scarf for his arrival in Paris to blend with the scarf clad city. (I have listened to a couple podcasts exploring Paris scarf culture, you never see anyone without one) ..I am far too obsessive to take up hobby. I found it hard to put the wool down even to eat and have stayed up til 3am the last couple of nights trying to get another row in..Ridiculous. Im definitely and all or nothing kind of gal.
So I was planning to get out this morning but it wasn’t until 4pm that I talked the wool down. The aim was the number 2 line and then walk back. A group of maybe grade 3/4 kids jumped on and I was overcome with an emotional realisation/dramitisation. If Tom and Oriane choose to have children this will be them, they’ll be french kids on a french train speaking words I don’t understand ( I know Im being completely irrational but the thoughts don’t stop) I wont know them, I wont understand them, They’ll be on the other side of the world.. I go into an entirely irrational state with tears and all…..
I have no desire to have grandchildren if they arrive they are from others life decisions not me willing it to happen. In saying that Id be up for it don’t get me wrong I am a kid person, I love them! Im the adult hanging out playing lego and building cubbies while other adults are in the dining room eating.. Mat still talks about meeting my family at a children’s party and seeing me dance and muck around with the kids and possibly doubting what in the hell had he got himself into.
I got off the train and the emotions just wouldn’t go, I could feel tears welling and I know Im in this heightened state on residency but I just cant fight them, ( i bet I don’t look like a tourist now! Haha) I am super susceptible to any passing thought or idea, Im onto it, and delve in before I even realise whats going on..So I breathe and I walk and pat my eyes.
I get to Republique and I sit on a wooden bench for a moment and feel the trainline underneath the cement reverberate through my bum. I see a large group of fluro clad protesters forming on the other side of huge bronzen female statue. for a moment I consider staying but rationally I realise if something were to go wrong I wouldn’t understand and be able to read the situation safely so continue to walk towards the sunset.
I am struck by the end of day craziness and noise,Its intense and although no one is running into me I feel like the space around me is pulsating, I put my earphones in without turning anything on to dull the intensity.
I walk and walk and then end up back in town and theres a giant Nike shop in front of me (angels sing aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh) I walk in and around, Im instantly so calm I don’t want to buy anything but there so much space and its warm, ,… Its true I feel calm walking aimlessly around a store, What is it?? Theres definitely a safety, theres smiling faces, theres no panic, it nice. I walk around and the shop assistants say bon soir. I think about Gusi and wonder how crazy his weekend would have been. He managers a similar store in Melbourne and as I looks around I try to see it though his eyes..I cant, Im not cool enough.
My sniffles and cough seem to be lifting Im glad that I made myself rest (well stay indoors) but theres so much to do and so many rollercoaster emotional journeys to go!! x x x
buttes 3 December 2019
Today was spent wandering through the 11th and 20th arrondissements. Algerian pastries shaped and coloured to look like sticky honey drenched flowers, velvet and patterned prayer mats outside small stores that offered ornate long dresses and various head scarves and many small stores offering indie handmade goods. The recent ethnic history mixes with the smell of hipster. in Paris they say bobo and if you say boho they think your raving mad! Im doing a walking tour that Ive downloaded but am disappointed that its really short and there isn’t much detail but there is reference to an interesting Camaroonian/French writer, Calixthe Beyala, and her book “The little prince of Belleville” which is written from the point of view of a 10 year old african boy. (can find no online book...will have to order for home.) And also Georges Perec “ The memory of childhood” which I also cant find online fuck it, would love to start reading these while here!
The tour ended in the Belleville park so it was only a short walk to visit Buttes Chaumont. It was so different today not covered in snow and ice as last time but full of the beautiful flame shades of autumn, there were may bald trees covered in what looked like apricots and lots of unedible berries in so many shades of ocher. It is such a beautiful park. I walk and breathe and attempt to let things pass through my mind and not latch on.
western iles 4 December 2019
Today has been full. Out to the end of line 4 today, Pont de Sèrves where I thought Id start my islands of Paris discovery tour!
First, île Seguin which only recently has started to be developed as the Renault car factory closed in 1992. It had pretty much been a deserted (hah) until the concert hall was opened in 2017. Its a huge ball of hexagonal mirrored windows sitting on one end of the island over looking the Seine. The rest of the island is pretty much a construction site where they've planned a centre for culture. (its what islands do best ;))
I walked to the other shore and it was so untouched, old medieval looking pubs and houses almost crumbling down a sight you don’t really see, its a peak into the past but there are already many signs up advertising the new multi dwells that will take over this beautiful area in the next decade or two. Im heading to my next island île Saint-Germain. I cant believe my eyes beautiful homes right on the river’s edge but not huge and grandiose in style more homely and small separated homes with gardens, I have not seen homes like this since I left Australia, Half the island is housing and the other half is a beautiful park with hills and meadows I also came across a pony club with miniature chestnut horses asleep while standing up! Theres a huge sculpture by Jean Dubuffet, Tour aux figures which has been freshly repainted. It has that reoccurring theme of natural vs manmade. Its cement made to look like a natural formation then decorated to enhance the rocks natural features. I like it. Theres many that don’t and complained about the money going towards the re-paint. There are also many joggers, people doing tai chi and a couple in green jackets doing bounding jump squats which makes me smile as the look like frogs and im in Paris!!. This was a lovely adventure out of the hustle and bustle, Im going to research more on this area. The next stop takes me right back down to the Eiffel Tower.
Île aux Cygnes is a man made island almost directly opposite the tower. It is really narrow and basically just a long tree lined path, All the parks in Paris are such an escape but this has many park benches painted green and I sat and found it hard to leave. A replica of the statue of liberty given to the u.s. from France is here and it really does seem more suited to the Seine.
I was planning on having a good hunt around the next two islands that Ive crossed a dozed times but not explored enough but Ill leave that for another day its 4.30 and the day has gone by so quickly.
After all this adventuring whats going through my head on my return home? The man that gave me his seat on the train was the carriage was full and he was getting off at the next stop so had motioned to jump in quick! The man in a navy tracksuit doing speed walking at the park I walked through before getting to Cygnes who had just stared at me, like a death stare, to the point where Id imagined I must have had big stripes of texta all over my face. And the woman who let me know my backpack was undone on the train. Interactions with people are far and few between so when it happens spontaneously it is excessively magnified and examined. So after today I have two best friends and an enemy for life hahah… Its like my obsession for buying bread at the same bakery ( just to let you know I actually have a bit of a wheat problem so it makes the story even more foolish) Every day I have gone and bought my baguette traditionale and they’ve given me an acknowledging smile. I hang for this nightly ritual, its more then just human connection, its a craving for the familiar.
melancholy ecstacy 6 December 2019
Theres something that happens on residency where all your senses are on high alert and what you cant make out in language you make up for in other magnified senses, I think not knowing the language even elevates the hyper bubble of sensitivity . For me, Im trying to intake all I can and find a response and deliberate if its worth leaving or investigating more. This happens over and over again almost every second, maybe 100 times a second, it feels that your absorbing information and filing it. its intense, its all comsuming and theres a need to find those objects, sights, or moments in time that will propel you into a creative frenzy. I force ideas out and sometimes is ok and sometimes its sheer crap but its this intense, perceptive reality on leaving the studio or even just opening the curtains that starts the fevor. Its an uninterrupted onslaught of thought. Its fucking exhilarating, its the biggest high and the deepest low Ive ever felt. its consuming. Its a melancholy ecstasy. Ive tried to write on this state of affection several times and its hard to find the language to explain. This is why I am here.
……..
Im not sure exactly what is going on but I waited til midday to head outside. I walked towards the Lourve seeing it was raining and after yesterday being shut during riots I thought it might be quiet but as per usual there were cues in the pouring rain so I kept walking towards the city. There was a group coming towards me and one of the men called “ madame ..something prefecture “ I missed the word I needed but thought that this area may not be the safest so decided to quickly walk towards home. It was about 3pm and quiet. all the cafes were empty and it just felt wrong I searched the faces around me and noticed people gesturing to the area I had just left and another tourist asking for directions with a man explaining “this way is very difficult for you”..There were 2 police cars driving in the bike lanes …I don’t know whats going on. So im not sure if its just a series of unrelated events or somethings going down.. Ive arrive back at the studio and busily search for some news or information, but all I can find out is that the protests have continued.
people watching and watching people 7 December 2019
Had a bit of a stroll around the latin quarter early this morning. Theres an old roman amphitheatre in the middle of a park where a young boy and his dad played badminton and where perhaps centuries before gladiators may have battled or poets read aloud. the streets are small and obviously escaped the Houssman renovations. They have the feeling of an Italian town with its cobbled streets and stunted buildings. They are full of christmas decorations, lights and tourists.
I head through the park and have a man invite me to see the museum with him as his wife is pregnant and could not make it…Okay so either this is a weird stunt or go home and look after your pregnant wife dude..Parisian men! either way I feel like im being conned.
French men.. I shouldnt lump them all together but they do seem to stare at me like I have something written all over my face. Its difficult to decipher and because most Parisians don’t smile is it seems like you are constantly running into to psychotic killers scoping out their next victim. Ive read a bit about it and apparently its cultural but its feels really confronting and makes me feel extremely vulnerable. It in no way feels like its a compliment or flirtatious it feels gross. At least in Italy you’d get a hello or a smile so you have a point of reference for such a stare but here its patriarchal and culturally embedded and just another language I don’t understand. There is a new law that men can be fined 90 euro for making sexist comments on the street so perhaps this is a sign of change because It feels like im living in the 50s. Its no wonder women walk around with their heads down not smiling.
I walk to the end of the park and cross to the garden along the Seine I should get a good view of the protest from here. Id like to walk in solidarity but Im a bit uncertain and just when I was decideing Mat sent me a picture of Neska so I decided it was more important to make sure I get back to spoil her! Anyway I digress… I thought I may have mucked up the times for a bit and then I heard a rumble and then drums and then whistles and chants. You could feel the air reverberating with excitement and revolution!.. It was amazing hundreds of people flanked by police marching together. The gilets jaunes have been protesting every Saturday for 12 months now. There were several marches organised and if this one was anything to go on it was an inspirational and peaceful demonstration of unity and the right to voice.
Headed home and grabbed some dinner which ended up being snails not cheese and spinach pastries as i had assumed ..fuck it! so they’re in the freezer for Mat!
Im exhausted and my feet have currently more gaffe tape then skin showing. Pecan ice cream and an early night calls! I miss everyone so much. x
blue 8 December 2019
Im feeling far away from home today x I am missing everyone so much and the grey, raining Parisian day is reflecting my emotional state. Its Sunday and Im really not wanting to be out and surrounded by strangers today. Its a tough day. All the noises around me are closing in. Theres nothing for it but a day of cleaning, sorting and mindless tasks.
.. it works
… Im out to stroll and catch the sunset. Ive slowed my pace and it feels good I have my eyes on and I take my time.. I get home for cheese pizza, a beer and a moment to sneak a listen to Mats upcoming shows soundtrack.. breathless.
musketeers to love 9 December 2019
oh fuck i think ive opened the good bottle id been saving! Well nothing to do now but to sit back and enjoy! All the train stations are still closed except for the two un-personned lines that are crazily busy so on foot again! what else to do but Benjamin Franklin the hell around!!!.. Ive seen all the Christmas festivities on offer from the big department stores and walked the arcades full of xmas glow but in actuality the most illuminating moments in the last 24 hours have been talking to my boys situated all over the globe.
Ive gotten to chat to Gus, Tom, and Mat and im talked out! not even !! haha! Theres so much happening so much I want to be present for but Im here on the other side of existence. Im super proud of my kids and it doesn’t matter how old they get you still want to smack those shits around them down! ive be a tough mum and not become to frivolous shit but ive always been a keen supporter of strength and caring for others and as adults as they were as kids my children have always been super rebellious but alway with a cause OR with love x I am super proud of the adults they have always been. As they stride out and conquer I know that they don’t need luck or love but I send it anyway x x x Love from Paris my beautifuls xxxx
scents and sense 10 December 2019
Finally got enough courage to find Toms old work place and sit down for a beer!
I’m sitting in a comfortable old leather seat that is all but triangular in shape it’s so good to sink into a chair, it’s been a while. The furniture at the studio doesn’t encourage relaxation in any form so it’s good to melt. I am the only patron and the staff are whirling around me cleaning tables and retrieving boxes of orders from the street. Every breath in delivers a scent from my prior hour in yet another perfumery and the exhale sends calming endorphins which makes me sink deeper into the leather. I am unwinding and it’s a relief.
The lightning fixture reminds me of my sister; crystal bottles with the bottoms cut out on mass, she’d like them and would have the skill to reproduce and even improve on the design.
The staff are chatting in English with mostly American accents. It’s actually nice to understand conversations fully and not have to filter them through my inadequate language brain. There’s a friendly bonjour as another person joins the adjacent window seat and orders tea.
It’s nearly 4pm and I’d usually be seeking a route home but I’m feeling calm and enjoying watching the puffer clad people hurry past the glass.
I’m bordering the 2nd, 9th and 10th so just above the cities craziness but not by much. Jam packed busses are starting to carry people away from the commercial district, they are the only means of transport along with the automated line 1 and line 14 trains which are a complete nightmare as they are the only option underground.
I’m hoping the protests went smoothly today it seems like Macron is going ahead with the changes so there’s talk of rally’s continuing til Christmas! That means it will be difficult to travel far from the studio so I’ll need to nut out some plans to really explore walkable areas in the next 11 days til Mat arrives and I’ll start some proper holidays. In saying that I’ve started my second beer it’s got a ginger base but it’s not too floral, reminds me of mats home brew! I’ll have to leave after this one cause two beers makes me very relaxed indeed! I’ve been thinking a lot about being alone away and being of the generation constantly reminded that your a vulnerable target so keep safe I’m finding it hard to break down those rules that are so ingrained. I had an interesting Skype with Tom yesterday who also finds it hard that women see him as threatening just because he’s male.. it’s a tricky time and hopefully in the future danger won’t be experienced with a gender bias.
By 5pm the sun has gone and the streets are starting to glow with Xmas. The bar has a dozen diners and it’s starting to smell like frites. It makes my tummy rumble but I’ve got food at home and it’ll make the walk back far more difficult if I carb out now! I walk home not caring that I have on a un peu pompet smile.
biere et bistros 11 December 2019
cork creatures
Today’s choice of my afternoon beer is definitely not as comfortable as yesterdays leather lounge! I am at a little bistro where the tourist busy Le Marais meets Place de la Bastille. I am sitting at one of those little outdoor cafes (the epitome of french eateries) on a woven cane chair with a small round table that holds my beer and a pen and paper.
metro tickets in paper exhibit
It’s busy and there is much traffic with people hurrying around me many have those wheeled shopping carts and many more have fancy paper bags stamped with expensive store labels.
I suck in the air and see a man opposite me I think he’s filming me. This is awkward I summon Oriane and give him a stare that’s deathly and tells him no. He puts the phone down and I smile a little to myself... I’m getting the hang of this! He leaves shortly after. There is a table of girls that have just sat in the opposite corner of the terrasse they order coffee and chat, smoke and photograph themselves. I am the only person drinking beire at this time of day but I guess the fact that this is a heavily touristy area gives me a license to make such a mistake.
I’m starting to calm and settle as a couple more women join the tables. One is frantically typing as her cigarette ash falls over her keyboard she is facing into the restaurant and not wavered by the onslaught of people walking past. The second sits behind her she is jammed between the typist and the teenagers. She has the classic black bob of Paris, parted in the middle, an umber turtle neck with a camel scarf that she takes off and folds neatly on the table, her ears have small gold loops that shimmy as she too reaches for a computer. Her tech may be a prop as she’s interested in the passers by and is perhaps like me taking notes of the happenings around her.
The beer seems strong and I decide to leave it at one which is a good thing at 7.50 a pop I walk past the supermarket and by a six pack for its equal.
The atmosphere holds excitement and a nervousness that is everywhere, there is an uncertainty what the coming weeks will hold. The protests continue. Ive walked a lot over the last few days and seen many fancy commercial galleries tucked away in all corners of Le Marais. Im a little trapped with the transport down but I continue to search for streets, courtyards and ornate gardens that Ive missed. My body aches and I think if the trains stay closed I will need to perfect my bistro ordering and people watching skills!