So as I try and work out how to use this gimbal Ive brought along for the ride I’ll give you a tour of my digs…. I took several video tours but this is the only one where I don’t end up swearing.. if someones watching me I hope they’re having a good giggle!…and turn the sound down I didn’t realise I could make a living doing random nuisance phone calls!!..Heavy breather…..
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I was going to cook tonight but the baguette was still warm..maybe tomorrow!
My already dark circles are deepening with lack of sleep and I’m starting to look like Ive been in a brawl at the mustard pot! With the upcoming meet and greet I thought Id go buy cover up.. I packed some lippy, eyeliner and moisturiser- the basics.. Man Ray’s red badge of courage and all that ..Fucking shallow ..I know ..It was drilled into me as an apprentice, my boss out the back smothering us with lipstick if we turned up bare faced.. Maybe I wont use it: a safety net… I know that make up never makes you look better or younger a bit like cosmetic surgery it never makes someone look great, or that they’ve lost years it just make people look.. weirder..more alien?.. but I suppose that’s the mask.. Someone different to see in the mirror… i also got some floss!
I need to get out of the city I think thats what drew me to the gardens last time.. Might do some end of the line excursions starting tomorrow (yep that and eating more than bread and cheese)..
I took the bike outside today, I didn’t realise the chain is not attached but in a paper bag..I put the bag in the drink holder in hope someone else can sort, I’ll wheel it up to red cross tomorrow. (ahh tomorrow already so much to do!)
Its just starting to hit me I have so much time and not enough language.. or knowledge.. I really wanted to not have a plan and embrace and respond to the city but its already starting to close in.. I need space, I need to pat a dog, I need to kiss my lover. All big cities have that isolation. My everyday routines and hellos to the same people are so empty. I understand the privilege but its somehow trivial. Its not somehow trivial.. its trite! so what? make the best of it..Yes! You (me) privileged white fuck! how lucky are you with a life filled with love and food and wine(err yep).. don’t waste it, acknowledge it and do something.. fuuckkkk. take a walk..
I think Im just always soo busy, there’s always so much to do that I just never stop and I feel I cant allow myself to.. I need to slow down…walk..breathe..slow down..